For Men

Care Net Pregnancy Center of Rutland
138 West Street
Rutland, VT 05701
Voice - (802) 775-5611

Is your girlfriend pregnant and you don't know what to do? Maybe friends and family are encouraging you to push her to have an abortion. Whatever your situation, you are not alone. Lots of couples experience an unexpected pregnancy and immediately worry about how this will affect their future. Abortion seems like an easy and legal solution but it does have significant risks that you may not understand. Having a baby doesn't mean the end of your dreams.

It's hard to realize that women can choose abortion without the permission of the baby's father. Many women who have had abortions report that they were waiting for their boyfriends/husbands to stop them. Some even say that they sat on the abortion table hoping the father of their baby would "rush through the door to rescue me and take me away somewhere safe." She needs your friendship now more than ever.

The world says that abortion is "a woman's choice" but the woman in a crisis pregnancy rarely wants to make that choice alone. She is looking to you for support because she can't confide in many people about this crisis situation. When women hear men say, "Don't look at me to tell you what to do," they automatically believe the man wants the abortion. Be careful that you don't say something that you could regret. Assure her that you will stand beside her in whatever way she needs through this crisis. Inform her immediately that she doesn't need to have an abortion to please you. Tell her you want to help her in making any choices that will affect your future.

Confirming the Pregnancy

The first thing you need to do is find out that she is really pregnant and learn about your options. We provide confidential and free pregnancy tests along with many support services. Our center exists to help both of you come to an informed decision. To help her understand your support, come with her for the pregnancy test. She has more to lose in this pregnancy than you do because it will affect her physically. If she truly is pregnant then she is already being overwhelmed by hormone changes that affect her from making good decisions. Having your emotional and physical support will reassure her that you care.

You may not realize this but abortion has many risks to the woman- emotional, psychological and physical. While you may not experience the abortion physically, abortion can affect you as well. If you care about this woman in your life, you will want to protect her from harm. You need to know what the physical risks of abortion are.

Our center can help you in a variety of ways should she actually be pregnant. Our support services include maternity clothes, baby furniture, Lamaze classes, etc. You won't be alone in supporting her in this pregnancy. We can help you share this truth with both families and explore all your options.

Another interesting thing about abortion that we have learned from people that made this choice is that most couples don't remain together. Abortion doesn't seem to be the glue that holds a relationship together. Feelings of betrayal and hurt, compounded with the grief over the loss that results from abortion, can separate two hearts forever. If you care about this woman, encourage her not to abort.

At the abortion facility:

If you both determine to have an abortion and make it to the facility, ask the facility staff these questions:

	What kind of abortion will she have? Will it be chemical or surgical? Ask about the risks. It's important that you both sit through any discussion about the abortion procedure. Most women will appreciate a man who wants to be with them through this difficult time.
	Who is the abortionist and what are his credentials? Be sure to write down his name. Don't let her sign any papers that might release him from any liability if he hurts her.
	Check to see if the facility is clean and sanitary. Many facilities are never inspected by governmental agencies. As a result, they can provide sub-standard care to their patients. If the facility doesn't appear spotless, find another one.
	If they offer ultrasounds, insist on being allowed to view the screen. Both of you have a right to view any medical tests that are being conducted.
	Should your girlfriend/wife have any doubts, take her home. There is no rush to make this decision. Any hesitation on her part could mean significant regrets in the future. Always remind her that you will support her in the pregnancy and don't want to push her into something she doesn't want to do.
	Accompany her throughout the facility. Should the facility staff seek to isolate you from your girlfriend/wife be immediately suspicious and ask her to leave with you for the time being. She needs you now more than ever and she also needs someone to ensure that she isn't hurt in any way. Whatever the facility rules are, there is no reason you cannot hold her hand through this procedure.

Remember that abortion doesn't erase a mistake - it only adds new ones. Abortion is PERMANENT. There is no "undoing" this decision. Wait and research all your options and know that we are here to help.

After Abortion

If you choose abortion or already have participated in this decision, be prepared that both of you may experience what is called "Post-Abortion Syndrome" or "Post-Abortion Stress". According to many studies that have been done on this subject, you may experience one or many of the following problems:

	Fear of failure
	Fear of being judged
	Fear of making decisions
	Fear of taking risks
	Feeling of defeat
	Feeling unworthy
	Depression
	Guilt
	Shame
	Panic Attacks
	Addictions
	Suicidal thoughts
	Sexual dysfunctions
	Sense of loss
	And many other symptoms.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms understand that you are not alone and our center exists to help you too.

Contact our center to reserve your appointment. You can also send us a note through our website.

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